Colorblind? – www.antiracistparent.com

11 Aug 2008 1 Comment

by dirtpaws in Adoption Wonderfuls, Family Time Tags: adoption process, anti-racism, colorblind, domestic adoption, Family Time, Interracial Adoption, learning through adoption, racism

When my Husband and I decided to adopt a baby in 2006 we put on our happy “never have done this before and don’t know what’s in store” faces and told our caseworker that we didn’t care about race. We told her that we just wanted a healthy baby girl and that was it. Afterwards, my husband and I began to discuss race and what bringing a baby into our home that was from another ethnic background might mean to us as a family, as parents, and as middle class White people from the ‘burbs.  We had a 2-year-old son at the time.  The more we talked about it the more we realized that race did matter. We needed to be honest with ourselves – could we nurture and care for a baby from a background that we had no personal experience in.  We finally decided that we wanted to adopt an African American girl because we felt strongly that she would be a part of an amazing journey for our family. 

When we first started discussing this with our family and friends, there were mixed reactions. While many were excited for us, some people questioned why we had any desire to adopt outside of our race. We also got a lot of negative reactions about our ability to be able to manage and care for her hair and skin. We took all of this in stride and started to educate ourselves on the proper care for an African-American baby. A neighbor of mine came over one day to our house and after seeing several African American pieces of artwork, books and photography, she commented that we were certainly prepared. What she didn’t know was that all of those things had been purchased prior to our decision to adopt a child. She inferred that the only reason we had these ethnic pieces were because of our impending adoption. It did not occur to her that we would acquire these pieces throughout our lives just because we liked them. Shortly after we finished our paperwork, our baby was born and the birth parents chose us to be her Forever Family. We packed up our things and flew to Texas to be greeted with the newest addition to our family, Gracie. 

Parenting a child of a different race can cause mixed reactions in a community. There is never a time that I don’t feel more like the parents of a little Black daughter then when I’m out and about running errands. I have been called “the babysitter” more times then I can count. I believe that the reaction to verbally address me as “the babysitter” comes more from the idea that people do not like to encounter things that they do not understand then from the fact I’m so young looking. To place me in the babysitter box, it allows them to categorize me without looking further. I have been stopped numerous times to be consulted on what I should be doing with my daughter’s hair. I personally think her hair looks great and that I do a kick ass job, however it seems that a lot of women feel otherwise. I am constantly stopped, in the middle of the store, and told exactly how I am failing as her hairdresser. I have been given thousands of names of products and devices to make her hair straighter, fuller, grow faster and be more manageable. My daughter is only 18 months old people, give me a break! When I need the help I ask for it and I tend to ask people that I know, not strangers at the store. 

Since we adopted Gracie we have seen a dramatic transformation in our family. It’s amazing what holding a sweet infant in your arms can do to some of the deep-rooted racism that is taught and sometimes passed down unknowingly to future generations. It also allows us the opportunity to share her culture and background with our family members and friends and include them in celebrations they might not have ever had the pleasure to experience. Also, I have pushed several books into the arms of our extended family, in order to help them address their own issues with race.  

We have to see the world through her eyes when we consider places to visit and even to live. We recently made a move across the country and we seriously thought about how that would affect her and made sure that we lived in a diverse neighborhood where she would be around people of all cultures while growing up. Through her adoption we have become much more aware of the passive racism that exists everywhere. We are all taught a level of racism as we are growing up. Be it in the family, the media or even in a simple conversation overheard from strangers. Hopefully, with our family, our children can grow up to see that family comes in every shape, form, color and size.