Apparently, since I married my Husband, I have had a time of accidentally being naked around my in-laws. It’s not that I plan it or am secretly trying to hoist my knockers out there for everyone to see, it’s just that I’m destined to be the one in the family who shows ’em off more then the others. Apparently . . .
The first time was in 2001, when I finally ran the Peachtree Road Race after years of watching Eric’s family participate. The humidity and heat paired with the black asphalt and the 10k of running took it’s toll on my body. One of the things that I had not foreseen was rubbing my chest raw where the elastic band of my sports bra went around my ribs. When I got back to the house to shower and change, all of the skin under my boobs was red and irritated. I wrapped that area with an ace bandage after applying some anti-biotic cream, which I quickly found out gives you the false security of feeling like you have a bra on. Well I didn’t have a bra on and this matters because: I went downstairs where Eric’s brother and his girlfriend, Sally, were playing ping pong. I decided to show Sally how badly I had been rubbed raw from my sports bra. So I lifted my shirt believing that I had a bra on because of the tightness UNDER my chest where the ace bandage was wrapped. No, I did not have a bra on and just lifted my shirt and out bounce the twin ta-tas in all their glory. The ping pong game stopped briefly as Sally, wide eyed and speachless just stared up at me, my brother in law stops in mid swing and Eric, goes, “what was that?”
Another memorable time was a few years ago. I was giving my son a bath in our master bathroom while I took a quick shower. My father in law was supposed to be stopping by and Eric had run out to pick up a few things before his father got there. So I’m upstairs trying to get Porter out of the bath and myself dried off when I hear, “Hello?” coming from the first floor. I thought it was Eric and said, “UP HERE!” to let him know what we were doing and tell him that his father should be here any minute. So I’m standing in the doorway, COMPLETELY NUDE when in walks my father in law into my bedroom. He goes, “Oh! Sorry!” and I go, “I’m not dressed!” and he yells, (from the other side of the now slammed shut door)” YEA, I can SEE that.”
It was ten years before I ever walked down the stairs again.
My last favorite story happened in Florida where we vacation as a family once a year. After a particularly filling seafood meal, my family was following Eric’s family back to our condo. We had to take two cars because of the two car seats for my kids and the fact that Eric’s parents, brother, sister and sister’s friend were in the other car. So we’re driving along, filled to the brim in a crab leg coma and enjoying the setting sun on a particularly boring drive. Suddenly, I tell Eric to speed up, get next to his parents car and honk the horn right as we pass them. He’s not sure why but does it anyways. We get up next to his parents and I suddenly yank down my shorts and plaster my bare ass against the window giving them a full moon. You can just see their quiet faces, each in silence contemplating the days events and then HONK HONK! as my black Odyssey goes flying by and my white ass is smashed against the window. I’m lucky they didn’t get into an accident they were laughing so hard.
I have more accidentally naked stories to tell and maybe one day you’ll hear them all but for now that all the naked news I care to share.