it started out with being woken up several times in the night by Porter who apparently was having some bad dreams but not really waking up. This is okay, it just meant that I had to get up quite a bit and go into his room to comfort him which equals less sleep for me. Then, of course, bouncing Porter was up at 6am and ready to go. I get up, take my shower and make breakfast. Gracie’s been having trouble eating lately so I’ve been trying to get her to try at least one bite of whatever I make. This morning it was simply cereal with milk and she refused to eat it. So we had a great little power struggle where I ask her to try ONE bite and she pitches a huge fit, cries and ultimately throws up because she’s trying so hard to make herself cry harder. That was about five seconds before I walk out the door.
Then I drop Porter off at preschool, late of course, and head over to ALDI to do some grocery shopping. Aldi, in trying to keep costs down has a quarter return cart system. You stick the quarter in, you get a cart, you return the cart, you get your quarter back. I always keep a few quarters in my car so that I never have the issue of being cart-less with a toddler in tow. However, my son has recently gotten very interested in money, what each coin is worth and the history behind the faces on the coins. In getting into this, he’s also decided that any money left unattended is his. So I get to Aldi and sure enough, all of the money in my car has been confiscated by Porter and is probably residing in some secret place where he keeps his stash. I figured I’d wing it and go in anyways. I carry in a few reusable bags and start filling them with milk, bread, eggs….. then do a myriad of sprints and dashes as I chase Gracie all over the store while lugging the bags behind me.
After that we decided to go to Walgreens to get the pictures developed that I have been taking of my son’s baseball team. I decided to do a scrapbook as a gift to the coach and wanted to have enough pictures that I could fill in any missing spaces. I had taken about 114 pictures and instead of going through them all, decided it would be easier to transfer them to my card and take them in to get them developed. I really didn’t want to have to come back later with both kids so I waited for them to finish. Gracie has really been loving her independence and when it isn’t necessary to strap her in a cart, I enjoy letting her wander the stores while I follow behind and see what interests her. This worked up until about the last 15 minutes when she ran up to a plate of syran wrapped brownies and started taking gigantic bites out of them while I run up and try to grab them away from her. The store manager was less then pleased and made me pay for all of them. I didn’t want her eating this food so I took it away from her, placed her in a cart so that I could keep her from opening anything else and then she started her 2nd meltdown of the day. For the last 10 minutes of trying to check out and pay, she is screaming and crying and won’t let me console her at all. We walk out of the store, my nerves are shot, I’m frazzled and I’m ready to get in the car and get Porter picked up from school. I pick up the huge box of 114 pictures and realize that the developer forgot to seal the box. It promptly bursts open from the bottom and 114 pictures are picked up by gusts of wind that are around 25 miles per hour and scatter the pictures across three parking lots. I start frantically grabbing the pictures, running after them and dragging Gracie behind me. The best part was that not ONE person stopped, for even a second, to help me, offer to help or simply grab the pictures gathering around their feet before the wind blew them off again. Not only that, but after seeing me rushing after said pictures, several people had no problem simply driving OVER the pictures and ignoring the fact that I was trying to save them.
I picked up Porter from school and decided to hide at home for the rest of the day as clearly yesterday was DEFINITELY not my day.
The other night I went to bed after Eric had already fallen asleep. Trying not to wake him, I slowly crept into the bedroom, softly shut the door behind me and tip toed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Once I was in the bathroom with the door closed behind me, I debated whether or not to turn on the bathroom light. Knowing that any amount of light in a room when Eric is sleeping is annoying to him, I decided to leave it off and get ready for bed in the dark.
I fumbled around trying to find the floss, toothpaste and toothbrush in the dark, wishing my indigo watch could shine a little bit brighter. After acquiring all the necessary tools, I began my nighttime ritual. I flossed, rinsed and began to get ready to brush my teeth. Knowing that my accuracy was going to be off in the dark, I decided to just squeeze the toothpaste into my mouth instead of onto the brush. I opened my mouth, flipped the top up on the tube of toothpaste and squeezed a generous portion into my mouth.
I knew immediately that something was wrong.
Especially when my taste buds kicked in and informed me that I had just squeezed an inch of A&D Ointment into my mouth…
I just made a nice big breakfast for my family in honor of Mother’s Day. Mostly to suck up so that when the kids leave with Eric this morning to get Mother’s Day presents, that they’ll remember how awesome their mother is and buy me lots of nice things. One can only hope when a 2 and 4 year old are let loose in a Target and told to “pick out whatever you want for Mommy.” I find that I usually get a lot of things that they then want to “borrow” and play with. This Transformer is for you Mommy, can I have it back now?
Anyways, we’re sitting there talking and Porter goes “Mommy do you want to know what the best thing about Mother’s Day is?” I sweetly reply, “What baby boy?” He then looks at me, then looks down fondly at his sausage patty and goes… “the meat.”
Gee thanks….
Then after dinner he promptly pops up and announces that he’d really love to stay and talk but it’s time for his “sausage poop.”
Awesome.
Oh and Gracie was only allowed one biscuit and was told she could have a second if she simply ate her eggs…. so she cried and screamed throughout our entire breakfast.
Wonderful…..
While I was cleaning dishes after breakfast Gracie got up from the table and decided to pour my La Criox sparkling lemon water into my freshly made bloody mary (I can have ONE since it’s almost Mother’s Day… right?) and all over the table, the butter and the remaining food.
Just as soon as I lose my softball sized bruise on my arm due to catching the latch on the metal gate at T-Ball, I achieve a new level of clumsiness this weekend. It started on Saturday night. We had a Cinco de Mayo party in my garage and I guess someone must have broken a beer bottle because I got a piece of glass lodged in my foot. Eric was able to get it out but I was limping the next day because the ball of my foot was so swollen. Then, last night, I decided to take a bath. I put the bubble bath in and run a full tub of water. Then I step into the bath and apparently all of the soap I had put in had not dissolved and my foot slid out from underneath me and I stub my right toe and crack the side of my left knee on the corner of the tub. Then this morning, I go outside to put the trash in the can and step, yet again, on a piece of broken glass and had to remove that. Now my other foot is aching. Then my kids decided to park their bikes directly behind me as I’m cleaning out my car, so as I step backwards out of the van with my arms filled with trash, I end up stepping on the bike and falling backwards into another bike. So far so good…
Oh and about three seconds ago, I leaned over to pick up Gracie to change her diaper. At the same time she jumped up and cracked me in the cheekbone with her head….
Yea, I got a good "deuce" for you later. I'll show you Potty Training!
I am trying to potty train Gracie and am having a lot harder time at it then I did with Porter. I recognize all of the signs that she is ready. She is interested in the potty, loves to watch Porter use it and is quick to let everyone one know if she, or any other diaper wearing child nearby, that “STINKY DIAPER CHANGE” needs to be done. However, try my best I cannot get her to actually GO in the potty. She has gone in the room next to the potty, she has gone in the bathtub while looking at the potty and she’s even stood on the rug in front of the potty and gone but get her on the actual potty and she’s got better things to do.
However today, after her nap, I got her up and was pleased to see that she wanted to use the potty. I took off her diaper only to have her immediately drop a “Deuce” onto her crib sheets, giggle, look down then go, “EWW STINKY DIAPER” and demand to be removed from the offense area.
So today I met up with Michele and her kids at the Silver Comet trail to walk around and let the older boys ride their bikes. When I arrived there Gracie had taken her boots off in the car, which she never does so I put them back on and set her down to get Porter’s bike out of the car. She immediately said “HOLD YOU!” and wanted me to carry her so I carried her for a little ways down the path. Being almost three but being as tall as a four year old and weighing almost 40 pounds, I was getting a little agitated with her wanting to be carried constantly. So after a while, I decided that she should walk since we were outside getting such fresh air and she would enjoy the exercise.
As soon as I put her down she immediately started fussing and demanding that I “HOLD YOU” again. So I picked her back up and carried her a little bit longer. The older boys were finding caterpillars, which were so prevalent that we had to be careful not to step on them, and I began to wonder if she was concerned about walking where the caterpillars were. Not so much because she didn’t want to crush them but because she FREAKED out the second that I tried to get her to hold one. So back in my arms she went and down the path we go. Finally, I had had enough and decided that she was going to walk, no matter what. I put her down and firmly said, “NO, Gracie, we’re going to walk now” and proceeded to walk away from her. I got a little ways and she was still following me and, of course, saying “HOLD YOU!” So then I thought that maybe I’d jog a little bit away from her and let her run after me and see if she liked that better. I took a few steps and turned around and started to walk backwards so she could see that we were playing a game and she could walk towards me.
Then I noticed it….
She was limping…
I go over to the foot that she’s limping on and unzip her boot and inside I find a toy rabbit…
Yes, a toy that had been shoved into her boot one day while they were playing, my daughter was now suffering through and limping because of as I force her to run after me when all she wants is for me to “HOLD YOU” because SHE’S GOT SOMETHING IN HER SHOE.
About two years ago I was frantically cleaning my house and my then one year old, Gracie ,was crawling around exploring. Porter was off playing in our play room and knowing that they were safe in those rooms, I went upstairs to start vacuuming. A few moments later I hear a very loud THUMP. I come running downstairs and cannot find Gracie or Porter anywhere. I start combing the house trying to find her and Porter comes up to me looking a little out of sorts. So I ask Porter if he knows where she is. He gets this odd look on his face and slowly mutters….”ummm yessss.” “WELL WHERE IS SHE?” I yell. To which Porter replies, “She’s in the laundry room.” Now Porter and I begin having one of those “Q and A” sessions where I ask a myriad of questions trying to figure out what exactly is going on while power walking to the laundry room.
Me: Why is she in the laundry room?
Porter: I don’t know.
M: Well how did she get in there?
P: I’m not sure?
M: There is a safety lock on the door, did you figure out how to take it off?
P: I don’t remember.
M: What? What do you mean you DON’T REMEMBER? Did you TAKE IT OFF?
P: I think so.
M: Did you let Gracie go in there?
P: I’m not sure…..
"Hmm, I don't remember!"
ERGH. So I get to the laundry room and throw open the door and there is Gracie, completely covered in the liquid laundry detergent that she had pulled off of the dryer (thankfully completely missing her body) that has now shattered on the floor and she is currently playing in. Just imagine how sticky/icky/messy that stuff is and then imagine a one year old bathing in it. It. was. awesome.
Then there is the time that Gracie was shadowing me while I was cleaning bathrooms one afternoon. I try to keep her out because of the chemicals and eventually she settles on coloring in another room. Or so I think. A few moments later I hear *giggle* *splash* and turn around to see my daughter dipping her toothbrush into a toilet I’ve just poured clorox cleaner into and she is now putting it into her mouth. I smack the toothbrush out of her hand and immediately call poison control. The good news is that the chemical is so diluted that there were no worries (and I’m not sure she actually got any in her mouth) but talk about a scary moment.
Which brings me to today. Gracie is asleep and Porter is at the table coloring and having a snack so I decide to throw in another load of laundry and head upstairs to clean the bathrooms. What makes this even more enjoyable is that although I don’t exactly love cleaning my house, I downright loathed it today. But it needed to be done so I whined and pushed my butt up the stairs to start cleaning toilets. All of the sudden, Porter comes up into the bathroom and goes, why does the washing machine drain water out sometimes? I ask him if he was downstairs pulling up the lid and watching it? He says yes and so I begin to explain how the machine works and why it fills up with water and drains and then repeats that cycle. He’s listening and I’m thinking to myself how cool it is that we’re discussing machines, and then he goes, “What happens if you add soap when it’s draining….?”
Uh Oh. (is what I said outloud.) &*(&*(&(*&#*($@#(*&*(&$(* Is what I thought.
So then I calmly go, “are you asking because YOU added soap to my laundry?” “Um… maybe?” He replies. So I explain to him that once the laundry is draining that the dirty, soapy water is going away and it’s being replaced with clean water. So if you add soap after the dirty water is gone, then the clothes are essentially being washed twice and then not being rinsed. So then he informs me that it’s okay because he used his sister’s removable potty chair bowl to fill up to the brim with soap and added THAT to my laundry. Like five times the fullest amount you should add. So now I’m patiently waiting to see just how badly the suds are going to flood in my laundry room. Oh! And I’ve still got those pesky bathrooms to finish up and the floors to vacuum and mop…..don’t forget, there’s still laundry to do too.
My kids love to dance and frequently we have dance off in our living room. These videos are actually done in our office, Eric was listening to Lady Gaga and the kids loved it and decided to run up and do a quick little dance off together.
I think it’s official that Gracie probably won’t be a vegetarian anytime soon. We were listening to her Musik Garten CD from her music class and we came across some animal sounds. The first one was a chicken clucking.
On our way out of Tennessee we stopped by Arrington Vineyards which is owned be Kix Brooks from the county group Brooks & Dunn. He was actually on site while we were there but we didn’t get a chance to see him. The wine was okay, their Raspberrywine is incredible. Paired with chocolate truffles and it’s even more amazing. I bought four bottles if that tells you anything.
However the strangest thing happened to me both nights I was there.
Friday night we came in late, checked in and headed over to a little bar across the street from our hotel to have dinner and a few drinks. While we were there we caught a group of guys checking us out and started to feel pretty good about ourselves. That is until they came over and said, “Excuse me M’am, but can we have your table when you get up, we’re hoping to meet some chicks tonight.” Yea, cue the 80’s music and we’ll take our leave.
So we get back to the hotel and I go down to the lobby to fill up our water bottles at the Crystal Springs water cooler and up comes this woman. She’s probably in her late 50s and she’s sobbing. I cannot help but to ask, “are you okay…” which must have been my first mistake because this woman opened up on me like she was on death row and this was her last confession. Needless to say, about 45 minutes later this extremely upset and very drunk woman has laid out for me her entire sexual history between she and her husband and why she’s leaving him because he’s announced five minutes prior to meeting me, that he’s going to leave her because he doesn’t love her anymore and he’s having an affair. What makes this whole situation that much more awkward is that she’s having this loud and very personal conversation in front of the entire lobby and everyone who is coming on/off the elevator AND to make matters worse, her poor teenage son was standing with her the ENTIRE time. I felt mostly bad for him and how embarrassing his mother was acting. The funny thing is that when I went back up to the room, my friend wasn’t even worried. I had left to get water and was gone for almost and hour and she’s like, “Yeah, whatever…. ”
Then the next night we’re just cruising around downtown, going from bar to bar and after several hours of this we duck into a restaurant to get away from a creepy guy who had been following us. We run in there and sit down at the bar and I get a beer and no sooner did I take a swig but the lady sitting right next to us starts BAWLING about her boyfriend and how he left her tonight because he found out she had cheated on him and now he won’t return her phone calls…. and the best part of that night? When she says,”I mean how was I supposed to know the guy I was cheating on my boyfriend with was homeless….”
I just made a nice big breakfast for my family in honor of Mother’s Day. Mostly to suck up so that when the kids leave with Eric this morning to get Mother’s Day presents, that they’ll remember how awesome their mother is and buy me lots of nice things. One can only hope when a 2 and 4 year old are let loose in a Target and told to “pick out whatever you want for Mommy.” I find that I usually get a lot of things that they then want to “borrow” and play with. This Transformer is for you Mommy, can I have it back now? 
This past weekend I headed up to Nashville with a good friend of mine for a quick two day mini-vacation. We had a great time, saw the 
Trolley
On our way out of Tennessee we stopped by 
Dirtypaws Blog 
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